i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
