Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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