Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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