I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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