thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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