Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
