Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
