1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
