I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
