what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
