we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
