I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
