Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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