11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
