i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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