If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
