Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
