Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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