What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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