I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
love makes seman taste better
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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