Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
