i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
