I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
