pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
