come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
