I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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