there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
