I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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