i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
