I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
