i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
How does one acquire holy water?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
