OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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