12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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