I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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