i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
