Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
