Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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