I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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