I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
