she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
