Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
