If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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