he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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