finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
