"it" just moved
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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