hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
