how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
