Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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