i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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