All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
