I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
