she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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